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12th House Rays

Haunted by the shadows


Living in the "House of self-undoing" is like cage with infinite bars, standing in solitude somewhere in the polar fields of the northern hemisphere. There, were the daily light is eaten by the long dark winter's night owl, the Sun extends polar light strings reaching for the deepest realms of our hearts. What is the Sun? The everlasting light? But there are places on Earth where the light never shines. There in caves, far below the oceans, far in dark space reside unknown creatures, hidden in the silent void, passing through the darkness generating their own beam navigators. Those who are brave enough to look under the veil of their shadow and search for meanings behind the global curtain, where outwardly entities are lurking thirstily to suck our light. The light ends, where one looses touch with himself, because if you want to see, you have to let yourself loose, be vulnerable and sincere from the fear, or you might die.

During the Nordic winter solstice, the Sun turns on the magic lamp of fireflies. This lamp is our inner fire. The longer you gaze inside, the more serene your heart feels. Like the Little Prince sitting on the top of distant planet, dreaming upon distant stars. Sharing life with his strange imaginary animal friends. Writing poetry in sand dunes, where only one rose prevails the time. All time dissolves with the sand "But eyes are blind, you have to look with the heart.". Hours can pass through the hourglass into the wall cracks. In the dark, one cleanses their inner eye and all magical creatures appear from the deep galaxy shadows. Only in this silence, while dancing with the shadows, you can hear your inner voice, from which music you were composed.

As a young teen laying long hours in bed, immaculate, music, art, films, smoking, creating parallel universes on which edges I walked, sometimes danced in exile. Favorite hang around where the highest peaks that I could climb on. Sometimes naked in the early morning, I would sit on the rooftop edge of my house, looking at the world. Staring at this creation, colorful puzzle, which I desired to solve by zen-eye flair. And I knew that the shapes I recognized, wouldn't last more than a glimpse, until dissolving into dirt. All things had meaning, but even the most meaningful things did not last. The Universe was a mystery, which was not supposed to be solved.

Hours could pass unaware of the height. I was not scared of the drugs, I wanted to try more, different mixtures, new sounds, new tastes and rituals. My body was nub cyborg, which felt distant too. Like Alice from that Wonderland, one hand could extend above the oceans and touch distant lands, while my head would spin inside a tree trunk. Was it out of body experience or simple numbness, I was never connected to it like other people were. I felt it was a core, some kind of doll suit and that my hand was not belonging to me. Beneath all that skin and bone were rays of light... complicated chords of golden strings, fueled star engine. Crying was like daily sport training. I absorbed the sad tones of this Universe, like a sensitive sponge from the bottom of the oceans. Salty ocean tears flooded my heart every time I saw injustice, animals tortured,  children beaten, old homeless hand or something deeper... like the global enslavement. Laughing was not hard, but I would sponge into people's missed opportunities, clogged desires, regrets, shameful sorrows. I considered myself to be the happy clown… little Gnome. Standing on that tree, I could brush my Aladdin lamp to make a wish. Believing that if I wished very hard, it will materialize. I believed in dreams while finding joy in every little flower.

I knew that trees communicate with one another and that all was living, stones, plastic cups and motor gas. I was here to connect to others in oddness of lost and found in the meadow of ice-cream. Getting lost in forests of feelings and thoughts to make my own discoveries, creating my own Religion of thought. I wanted castles for all my friends with candy cotton gardens. I knew me, but me was in everything. In the way how I perceived others, was me being inside of them looking back at me. I could take long gaze into someone's eyes and dive into their soul lake. I could melt in different shapes and colors. I was part rainbow once... I think we all were. I was in everlasting search of me, under every mushroom and tree, music note played in quantum momentum. Small grain in the reflection of your stellar eye. 

I know, its overwhelming. All this information, all this feelings. People born with 12th House Sun need to surround themselves with goodness and care. They need the space to recharge, to mediate, contemplate. And healthy boundaries are very important for folks born with Sun in 12th house. And of course not only this alone, but Neptune in the 12th, Pisces in the 12th and all other gently weird aspects and astral configurations between this neptunium chambers and the hall of the 12th House. The 12th House is the last from the Astrological Houses and could be presented as the place of unification, the holly chambers, the sanctuary escape and hideaway. This is the place where the "I" dissolves and merges into the "We". I wish English was my native language, but I know that you will understand and forgive me this broken English pen I hold. Language should not be barrier, but unification. Music is the universal soul language.



Letting the beast out of the cage

Why the 12th house? Because of course my Sun resides in it and I feel specially privileged to have the Sun to shine in most darkest of places. As Donna Cunningham describes in her blog about this placement: "No matter what it looks like on the outside—even for the 12 notables in the list above—the 12th is more about your inner life than your outer life. Tend to that, and you can count yourself a success, no matter what our status-fixated, results-oriented society thinks. The 12th house path diligently pursued leads to the kinds of accomplishments that don’t fit neatly onto a resume, but they’re no less worthy of pride..."

For my recent astrology class presentation I had to analyze celebrity and present to my class. There were too many people I appreciate and it was hard task to pick one. But from the very beginning I had my mind on people with 12th house Sun or strong Piscean nature. My mother has been strong Pisces rising mom and I find also people with dominating Neptune somehow related. One of them was the legendary Johnny Cash, born on 26th of February in 1932. He has Sun in Pisces and also Mercury, Mars and Ascendant in Pisces. He was the ultimate Pisces man. This stroke me deeply. Why? Because music has been my life fuel and his music was eternal candle for my soul.

There was one song that I call my heart arrow. It was the song I would refuse to hear in open public. Every time I would listen to this song, it was so personal.. that it made me feel wounded as a deer. This was the song which pierced my soul open child cry. I don't know is it because it signifies my early life and it became patron of sorrow. During my early teens I had my farewells with few rebels with destructive habits. We shared close relationships, music and rituals. I also grew with great emptiness from my father's side. He was the absent figure. The man in my life would later always play very important roles. 12th House "of evil" as the Vedic astrology puts it, is also the place of confrontations with father and authority figures. But I grew strong shield around this vulnerable yearning softness. Like a shell I would protect myself from anyone who would try to take me away from my cocoon. I would grow distant and yet when stripped, very close and attached to the souls I meet. The outcasts, the poets and painters, the crazy flowers were the once I would dance naked in my feelings with. This time was tattooed on my bark with burned dark marks, from which leafs of growing understanding swirl. For me the 12th House Sun is a place of growth. Feeling like an old man who has much to learn.



To learn embracing the pain and being able to give love without regret... this has been the path of walking alone through fire. Destroying and recreating, not aiming for the purely material, but for the things that are invisible. Is it sanity that prevents us from touching the Sun? Is it control that brings us to the shared treasure, but sinks our ships of greed? Are we too blind to see that good can sometimes kill us and bad can be the antidote for our own poison? The good hurt is like someone looking inside me and seeing all shipwrecks of disappointments, loss and betrail. And all I am just this soul in tree roots so deep down, but growing towards the light. Heavy dark black hole... in ring of dancing fire. I burn bright and violently. Sometimes I smoke and dive deep, full of fears. All the worry dissolve me culminating through art making, which like healing mandala ceremony, therapeutic walk through this life alive.

Mr Cash was all about the "neglected ones". He gave his life for singing in prisons, raging against the injustice, seeking for redemption through his music. He sang from the deepest heart ocean sides, endlessly he would liberate the souls of the imprisoned. He was a rebel, he was a sinner, forgiver, receiver of pray, he was a preacher and substance abuzive poet, who had sacrificed his family for the stage and the love of music. He searched for understanding in what was neglected and rejected,  looking for someone to see his pain, soul searching for the golden heart. He was not an easy man to love, but simple to understand. 

The Quest for a Heart of Gold


The Sun in the last House of water sign of the Pisces experience great loneliness. This is the place in search of that godly sense in all things. Place of solitude and isolation can create intense personality. Johnny was the soul revelation for many. The music he made would stretch from different genres. He was definitely troubled person, the bad boy who was not easy to change. Johnny Cash was known as the "Man in black", because in contrast to other country singers of his time, he wanted to present the ordinary people, the ones who were poor and oppressed. Wearing black was his contrast to the fancy, glamourous stage presence. He was the real outsider, dangerous, never giving up on his ideals. Perhaps this was his Saturn in Aquarius strongly effecting his Sun. Black is absorbent hue, which sucks the light. He was the black saint, story teller with sad eyes and sincere voice. His Taurean voice was louder than many. It was not about his singing, but his raw honest songs penetrating deep our hearts. There was no escape… "God's Gonna Cut You Down.", very Saturnian quote by the way.




People with 12th House placement tend for jobs in humanitarian areas. They crave for inner piece and seek to work in quiet place, unless other personal planets strongly indicate other. They treasure their privacy and avoid big crowded places. The Sun here is explorer, it rejects to obey one movement, one religion or one style. The Sun here is introverted, introspective and gloomy. Mr Cash's character can be better categorized as simple man, traveler, who suffered from substance abuse and withdrawal. His MC in Sagittarius speaks for the preachy world traveling persona he embodied. Later on his last wife June's Saturn will take important placement on his MC, which obviously gave his career and life stable position. He was concerned with the well-being of others and dedicated his life for the music. Music is the highest healing mediums. He was activist who pushed often the boundaries build by society and government. He was on simple mission, to spread understanding towards the dark elements, which are categorized as human psychic shadows. He wanted to dig there where society wanted to expel. His values where of one with the people. He was above polarity and discrimination.


The master Bed-Bath

I was thinking what would the 12th House look like if materialized? The neptunium house is like hidden place, a secret garden that has small door to fit only one special key in. It is a playground of dreams, place to sleep. Depending on which sign positioning the house can turn from dark Scorpio chambers with bondage leather chairs, to golden framed walls with peacocks walking between rooms made for Leo's comforting leisure palace, or Cancer round shaped chambers, build of clay with soft sanded walls, where one can cook and rest filled with sweet nature aromas. This house can become the prison from which one cannot escape. The ultimate introvert sanctuary. Library for the Libra soul, astronomy tower for the Aquarian desires... or some kind of never ending corridors of water for the Piscean body. Place of memories, music and art. This can turn into imprisonment or source of delightful escapism for all.


















This would definitely be our House of Dreams. The boat we sail on, the ship we cast our hopes to the heavens and sadness sinking far away with. This is the vessel we navigate towards the intergalactic abyss of the cosmic ocean. Our body is our bottle of spiritus. This is the place to rest, contemplate, transform... not like the 8th house of Death transformation, but like the one that dissolves us into what we consider our primary Sun-self being is made of. The house is our body, our universe, our planet, our soul. What color is your light again? You are the fractile of your dreams that print in digits the woven carpet of life. 









I never looked into your eyes again

We live in desperate land. For some is paradise, for other is endless suffering. What is the purpose of this life? What awaits after death? Trivial and all the related questions are the meaning of this 12th house at large. This is the place where you dive deep into the fish waters, back to the Prima Materia you become one with the mother ocean. There in the dark on the path towards the soulful bottom of this world, we encounter supernatural beast shadows, we ride the wise water snake who crepes us with visions of our secret enemies. Here all shadows are at work, all subconscious personal and interpersonal are calling us to enter to the other side. In order to purify, one has to meet his own shadows, fight his tree-headed beast haunted by old karma like Medusa head. Can you slice it with pride and shine above or freeze of fear. Depressions, delusions, aggressions, too much analyzes - paralyzes, depending on which sign is in the house and what planets are positioned and aspected of course. This is the house of all that is hidden, which could reflect how we did in past lives. This is house of spiritualism, adversary and dreams. Are we alive or already dead?


Walk into the ancient gallery and pick up your mask. Next will be your the Rising Sign house, which embellishes that mask upon rebirth. This is the place to recreate. When your Sun sign happens to be in same house as the Ascendant, it brings great harmony of character. Aligning nicely the external behavior with your inner self.

You picked this place for your "ego" to dissolve with the stars and dance with the polar lights. Protect your spirit from negative energies, surround yourself with people who see the blue bird inside. This is a destiny road that isn't easy to walk, but if you become the light for others by telling your story, by being the support need, inspiring and gently surrendering to the unknown... you can give your occult insides and blessings for the betterment of the global unconsciousness. This could also turn into long dark David Lynch film. The bats are always going to be the mysterious creatures that guide us underground. Vampires for life, they guide us to the underworld. They can drain you or refill you with lust for life. Avoid unhealthy habits, care for your body and connect with your spirit always when feeling far out in the distant space. Here on Earth you still remain. Look for the ground control while dancing.



Obsidian eyes

Because the 12th House is one before your rising sign, this is very much like tribute to love, spirit and unknown. Because maybe death is not the end. Before the lights go off, unless this happens in accidental motion, one prepares and carries variety of rituals. These preparations in ancient Egypt were as important as life. The Book of Death, the sarcophagus, bugs placed inside, mummification and the death and burial masks, all these are part of grandiose rituals which ancients gave great importance in their lives. This is the capsule of life being prepared to get out in orbit. Here we put all flowers, love, poems and memories for the future generations to remember and honor, letting them down the Ganges river of astral love, where everything dissolves. You cannot honor life if you separate it from Death. And in the cosmic cycle of all things, this darkness after the day is cherished with sacrifice for love. Love is the glue made of blood. Like heart in the bare hand of Aztec king, here we have to give compassion and share the feast with friends. Here we become the bread of Christ drunken with our blood. If we learn to give before take, our lives in the 12th House will return with gifts... shiny diamonds of eternal light. Because Death is part of Life and we all dance in the circle of its eternity.

My Venus also resides in here conjucting my natal Sun in the 12th. This is place of secretive, abusive or forbidden tabu dealings with love. 12th House Venus placement is not cheerful one, but wrapped in mystery. These people can become mediums, nurses or courtesans, who can feel others desires or pains. These people can also fall in love with wrong match and prefer to be discrete about their private lives. I can only speak of my own emotions regarding love, abusment and loss. The eternal good hurt shall bleeds out joy or sorrow depending on the level of compassion. My Venus actually combusts in the light of my Sun, spready the love widely. I will never have enough time to embrace all, deserted on far planet and yet so close looking inside the hearts of everyone I've known. I have been cruel heart breaker, I have abandoned many secret admires, I have lived many romantic film-like affairs and tasted bitter fruit-juices from my bleeding love tales. I have sliced Eros with my dark sword and knitted long winter shawls from the bleeding heart strings. The love I felt and feel is always sacrificial, always dramatic, always full of burden, like a bird I am in the cage of Love. Perhaps a cage I love to die in. This is my Capricorn ruled home of the 12th and yes, it is very lonely place to reside. From here I can see the endless sea of emptiness. No satisfaction... non-human, not-related to this world. Like Romeo & Juliette passion and tragedy in glimpse of beauty, ready to die for true romance. Just like this 12th House Venus list, love has been the seduction song of mermaid dying under the moonlight alone or together with the sailor who was brave enough to swim to her. Love is like conquest in which there is no winner. It is more of snowflakes melting on your palm, knowing everything will die one day.

If you ever feel alone, look at the stars, look into the hearts and light up a candle. Helping others is like main priority to 12th House Venus, but of course, first self love and then comes the World. Obviously I hope this Blog might have shined a light for the one who seek. I share here my personal experiences and thoughts of the given moment. To define your Sun sign house position, please use one of the free online birth-chart calculation sources found below.

Astro stuff: 

Johnny Cash stuff:

https://www.roadietuner.com/blog/6-interesting-facts-about-johnny-cash/

* If any of the images used in my blog are your brilliant stars, please drop a line, so I can give a proper credit and link back to your work.
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